I am a 50 year old, married woman with one daughter age l6 and my husband has informed me that he wants a divorce. I suspect he has a girlfriend because I heard her voice on his cell phone. I am devastated. I do not work and have no career skills and I have gained 50 pounds in the last 15 years. My daughter is the only thing that is good. He always complains about my weight and not working. I don't know what to do, help.
Sad Ellen
DEAR SAD ELLEN,
I am so sorry to hear that you are sad. It is very difficult to be in this helpless situation, but I think you probably have been feeling helpless for a long time. Your not working and gaining weight makes me wonder if you have put yourself in that helpless situation wanting relief but not knowing how to get it. Let's start with your daughter. She is something to look forward to, so now lets be a role model for her. It is important to not lean on her, but to show her the way. She needs you to care about yourself without having someone else do the job. This way she will grow up wanting to self care and that is a positive thing. I know that you are going through a crisis, but it is important to know that there are no coincidences. Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to stop blaming yourself or your husband and get moving on making some inner changes. Sit down and figure out what you want to be when you grow up. You do have lots of positive qualities, like everyone else, and your husband's opinion of you is only his. Allow yourself to create something entirely different; blessing the new freedom you have to be happy. Sadness hurts, and over time may cause other problems. Going to a therapist that can sort out your developmental history helps you get understanding on the dramas you create. Then when you understand what you are doing you have the opportunity to make changes that can open new doors. Get in touch with your beautiful body, go to a masseuse, put on some music, move your hips and dance with your daughter. You are precious and perfect the way you are. Just make some adjustments to get back to who you really are. In other wards, get the kinks out of the hose, but the hose is okay. Get back to the joyful and playful child that you once were.
Denise Spencer LMSW, BCD, DCSW, ACSW, CAC1 is a professional Psychospiritual therapist and founder and owner of Metro Family Support Counseling in Sterling Hts., Mi 586-274-4394. She is a Wayne State University graduate and works with multicultural populations MH/SA. Her philosophy in treatment is based on helping people to remember who they really are...a precious child of God.
Denise Spencer LMSW, BCD, DCSW, ACSW, CAC1 is a professional Psychospiritual therapist and founder and owner of Metro Family Support Counseling in Sterling Hts., Mi 586-274-4394. She is a Wayne State University graduate and works with multicultural populations MH/SA. Her philosophy in treatment is based on helping people to remember who they really are...a precious child of God.
