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I had the opportunity to watch the movie The Reader last night and I was struck by profound impact of the characters' decisions throughout their lives. As I sat back and reflected upon the movie - I thought of hundreds of personal choices that changed the story of my own movie-worthy life. So often we make choices totally unaware of what we are creating. Just one seemingly small choice may have catastrophic effects if made without consciousness.
Even more profound than making decisions unconsciously, are choices based on our deep-seated fears. For example, in the movie Hanna chooses to seduce Michael who is years younger than she is, unaware of the effect the experience is having on him. She is only focused on her desires, needs and fears. When she chooses to leave town for a new job without telling him, he is devastated - affected for the rest of his life by this heartbreak.
Later Michael finds out that Hanna left town to take a job as a guard with the SS in Nazi Germany. He doesn't know why she took that job at first, but we do - she cannot read. When she was offered a promotion from her position as fare collector to an office job, she becomes so afraid that people will discover her ignorance that she quits. So shamed is she - that she takes a job that will require her to work at Auschwitz sentencing people to death. In her mind she rather be responsible for the death of others than reveal her lack of education and perceived stupidity.
Twenty years later she is part of a war crimes trial where she must testify on her behalf. Michael, a law student at the time, is witnessing the trial unbeknownst to Hanna. He watches her take responsibility for writing a report that sentences her to life in prison rather than admitting to the court that she could not have written the report because she was illiterate. The court sentences her for her illiteracy in her mind, which she feels she deserves - not for her part in the death camps - after all, she was only doing her job.
So what does all this have to do with you and me? Everything! Most of us are so unaware, so expert at justifying our actions with our illogical logic - that we cannot see what evil we are creating in our lives and the effect our choices will have on ourselves and others. You might be thinking how can someone make such stupid choices - but we all are responsible for these kinds of decisions. Whenever we act from fear, shame and self-judgment, we can expect the outcome to be painful.
I encourage you to take a moment to go deep inside and look at one decision you made that was fearful. Contemplate it and admit the real reasons for your choices and ask yourself if the outcome of that choice was worth giving in to your fear. Could you have made a healthier more life-affirming decision? It takes a lot of personal power to not fall under the spell of our fear-based thought forms and beliefs.
In the end we suffer for the rest of our lives when we make fear-based choices. If we would push past the fear - knowing it's only smoke, a thought-form without solidity, we might suffer for a few minutes or days - but we would not suffer for years as a result of our fear-based actions. In the end, only with awareness can we create a beautiful dream built from love, clarity and truth. If you haven't seen the movie I highly recommend you watch it from the point of view I have suggested today.
Dr. Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and the author of 