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Many of us like to imagine ourselves as pretty fearless – but I’d like to share some thoughts about fear that perhaps you’ve never considered before. Keep in mind that the ego-mind is fantastic at creating a wall of justifications – and if that doesn’t work it can always depend on denial when things get tough! I’m curious as to what you think – so let’s get to it and remember to post your thoughts below!
Most of our fears are quite obvious and we can identify them immediately. For example, if you’re afraid of heights or snakes – you know exactly what you’re afraid of. But what about when you get pissed at something that was said or done to you and you start arguing, defending yourself, or blaming others? Are you as clear then? Some of you might be thinking – what does that have to do with fear – that’s simply two people not agreeing about something happening in life. Right?
Absolutely not! If we can see the human mind as an archery target – we can visualize the thought forms and actions of others coming at us like arrows. If you’re mentally rigid, your bull-eye will be obvious to others, clear as day and easy to hit. But if you’re mentally fluid (not attached to any particular point of view) like running water – you won’t be a walking target – after all, you can’t hit a target that isn’t solid! When we argue with others it’s because we feel like we’re being attacked – we’re afraid that we’re going to be made to be wrong, stupid in some way, less than or unworthy. Those thoughts solidify us and make us easy marks. Of course we don’t think this consciously – this is an unconscious mental process based on our old unconscious agreements.
When your mind is open, fluid and unattached – life comes at you, but nothing can stick. Things that others say and do don’t bother you. You may not agree with them – but you don’t care because you no longer feel like people are attacking you, and you no longer have anything left to defend. You have more tolerance for others and you respect them even if you don’t resonate with the way they live their life or think.
When your parents, partner, family or co-workers bicker with you it’s because they’re afraid. If they insult you or put you down it’s because of fear – not because they’re nasty or bad people. When folks take your actions personally that’s fear in action and the same applies when you take the words and deeds of others personally. If we could see the bigger picture and recognize that the ego-mind is very afraid, that would give us a great advantage in life. It would be clear to us that when our “outside” reality doesn’t match up with what our mind believes to be truth we get very nervous and scared.
In the end awareness is the cure to all mental ills! If we can see fear in action within us – we’ll have a greater tolerance for the same in others. That opens the door to compassion, love and ultimately peace and respect. I encourage you to sit with this for a while and observe yourself in your social situations and see your fear in action (without judgment). Once illuminated, any behavior can be changed and transformed – and that’s what it’s all about!
Dr. Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and the author of 