Janis Joplin once sang in the song "Me and Bobby McGee": "freedom's just another word for nothing less to lose." It's an oft-repeated and iconic line. Many of us have felt the brunt of many losses over the last year be they job, financial, home, material, relational, health, or more. there's no making light of this, of course, but I was talking to a friend recently--a former shopaholic--who had recently lost her home, most of her job income, and truckloads of things she had accumulated over the years. As she downsized from her home to a smaller rental home to yet another smaller rental home and purged most of her non-essential materials things, she remarked how much lighter, happier, and free she feels. She is starting a new chapter in her life and, with some anxiety, she also feels more hopeful and excited about the chance to reinvent herself and also reclaim parts of her authentic self which she had lost sight of. Sometimes, things just weigh us down. Can you relate?
As we approach the U.S. 4th of July Independence Day holiday, take a moment to consider what freedom and independence mean to you? In these economically challenging and globally volatile times, it is easy to focus on the importance of financial independence and freedom from anxiety. These are wonderful goals. Still, maybe we can appreciate whatever freedoms we do currently enjoy. For most of us, we have our physical freedom to move about and our freedom of self-expression and our freedom to pursue a life of authentic meaning and purpose. We can claim our independence from addictions and from dysfunctional relationships and our right to vote independently for what we believe in.
True, we must co-exist among a multitude of individuals and systems with which we don't always agree but compared to most systems and countries, we have many more rights and privileges which we too often take for granted. Life may not be perfect but this holiday allows us an opportunity to soak in the gifts of freedom and independence that we may not have had in the past or may not have in the future. So, whatever you're doing this holiday--relaxing, spending time with family or friends, enjoying the weather and some fine food--slow down and embrace our freedoms and independence--two of our greatest assets.
ECONOMY LEADING TO TREND OF DESPERATION/ILLEGAL ENTERPRISE?
Does art imitate life or the other way around? Both? Some may be familiar with several fairly recent TV series about how average people pushed to the brink by financial crises turn to creative--and illegal--enterprises to "make ends meet." In "Breaking Bad" on AMC Channel, a show which just completed its 3rd season, a high school chemistry teacher who is diagnosed with cancer and loses his job succumbs to pressures and begins manufacturing crystal methamphetamine and finds himself way in over his head and his very life threatened. In "Hung" (which takes place and is filmed in and around my hometown of Detroit), a high school coach and Phys Ed teacher finds his job in jeopardy after a divorce and fire damage to his home. "Hung" just started its second season and the main character begins working part-time as a male prostitute.
Recent trends have shown the downward economy has contributed to an uptick in crime committed not only by "career criminals" but also by "ordinary people" pushed to desperate measures. These crimes include shoplifting and employee theft. My intention is not to be soft on breaking the law. Obviously, not everyone who goes through life struggles puts morality on a shelf. But who can say what each person's limits are? Have you ever said or done something in the midst of extreme stress which you wouldn't have otherwise?
My point is: these are vulnerable and volatile times. Nobody has to remind us of that. Still, we each need to keep our wits about us and stay attentive for loved ones who may be succumbing to life's troubled waters. Cutting corners and breaking the law most often result in arrest, fines, a criminal record, thus further complicating our lives rather than simplifying them. Counseling, medication, support groups, and books may be helpful resources for those struggling.
RETURN OF THE RETURNAHOLICS!
I recently was a guest expert on compulsive shopping and "returnaholics" on NBC's The Today Show. A "returnaholic" is someone who buys and returns goods excessively either with fraudulent intent, or dishonest intent, or simply due to being out of control. Apparently, this is a growing trend and a concern for many regular and online retailers. According to some sources, retailers lose between $10 and $15 billion a year because of fraudulent or excessive returns because most items can't be resold or can't be resold at their original price. This increases the price of consumer goods for all of us, thus creating a vicious cycle for many returnaholics who feel they can't afford to actually purchase and keep most merchandise.
There are three basic types of returnaholics: those whose intent is to commit fraud through tricking a retailer into giving a cash refund or credit which is illegal; those who aren't breaking the law but who buy merchandise knowing they will return it later; and those who are sometimes referred to as "bulimic shoppers" who feel compelled to buy things to get a high or fill a void of sorts and then who feel sick afterwards and have to "purge" their purchases through returning most or all of them.
In my work with shoplifting and shopping addicts, I often see people who have confused ideas about right and wrong and who have a drive to "beat the system" or "have their cake and eat it, too"--this can lead to extreme bargain shopping and/or outright stealing. Many of my clients have reported price tag switching or even unlawfully altering or duplicating coupons (both of these acts constitute fraud). I've known and worked with persons who can cross-over from bulimic shoppers into manipulative returnaholics into downright fraudsters. It's a sad cycle and such a waste of time and energy.
Some theories about why "returnaholism" seems to be growing include the downward economy (people just don't have the money to spend and keep things), increased pressure to consume and have (even for a short time) the latest in designer clothes or goods, greater fluctuations in dieting and weight loss (including surgeries) which cause size and style changes to fluctuate wildly, the increase in impulsive Internet shopping which leads to more frequent "buyer's remorse," and continued competition among retailers to offer liberal and lenient return policies to attract and retain customers. However, this last item is beginning to change as some retailers are having to set limits on returns by tracking people's shopping history through software programs.
Terrence Daryl Shulman , is a Detroit area therapist, attorney, author, and consultant. He is the founder and Director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft & Spending. He is the author “Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending” (2008), “Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic… New Perspectives, New Solutions” (2005) and “Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery” (2003). Mr. Shulman can be reached at terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com or 248-358-8508. His websites include www.theshulmancenter.com and www.shopaholicsanonymous.org. Mr. Shulman does counseling and consulting locally and by phone.
Terrence Daryl Shulman , is a Detroit area therapist, attorney, author, and consultant. He is the founder and Director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft & Spending. He is the author “Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending” (2008), “Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic… New Perspectives, New Solutions” (2005) and “Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery” (2003). Mr. Shulman can be reached at 